However long I may have walked in this path, there are times that I just keep forgetting the most basic thing - DO NOT FEAR.
Sometimes I fear that the visions set in my heart wouldn't come into reality. Time is passing. I'm not doing anything. How can I ever be sure that my desires would truly be granted? Again, the answer comes to me in the simplest and truest phrase - ONLY BY GOD'S GRACE.
I remember conversations with my friends and pouring over how we want to go back to being kids. To spend each day playing around with no worries. To be fully dependent in our parents' care and provision. To live each day without fear. To just cuddle in love securely.
It's so easy to say, "I want to be like a child." Yet, I have come to the most striking realization that it is just so hard to do!!! Now, I'm finally starting to understand God's purpose in frequently hinting me the story of Martha and Mary.
I am such a Martha. Or maybe even more. I am dominating. How many times have I pressed upon others that I can take care of things all by myself? I am a lover of the busy life. It pains me to not do anything. Seriously. I measure my worth by my utility. My presence screams, "Here I am. Use me!"
The Lord says, "in repentance and rest is your salvation,in quietness and trust is your strength." (Isa 30:15) My worth will never and could never be determined by the amount of good deeds I do. It is only in the acknowledgment that God alone saves me that I am saved. It is when I learn to be still and obey in quietness that I find genuine trust in God. God is not looking for perfection. That's what He intends to do with me. Instead, He desires my obedience.
God has put no burden in me. God is asking it from me. At times, I may be like a little child but with the facet of selfishness. In all my mediocre strength, I still attempt to take things from God's hands. (Psalms 119:109)
I am thankful that God knows me better than I know myself. He knows every desire and every secret petition of my heart that I may possibly not even be aware of. (Psalms 37:4) I am thankful that He knows how to woo me into slowly letting go and letting things fall into His mighty hands. Even if I turn my ears and try to do things my way, He is patient enough to constantly tell me to listen. I am thankful that each day, He calls me into a life of grace.
And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28)
