Regrets. I'm sure you have them. Lots of them. Something about the word makes you nostalgic and often times, you cringe. It's like a bitter aftertaste of something you shouldn't have been eating.
Lately, I've noticed that some of the best lessons come from them. For the past weeks, I have been immersing myself in learning from the lives of other people. Often times, what they've learned seem to stem from mistakes, regrets.
For now, let me give you my answers to the most famous beauty pageant question of the year 2010.
I regret...
1. Answering impulsively with harsh words
2. Listening to foolish people
3. Not valuing myself enough
4. Spending too much on clothes, make-up etc!
5. Sharing too much to people I shouldn't have been
6. Experimenting and wasting money on products that didn't work
7. Staying up late for no good reason like aimlessly surfing the internet
8. Admiring some people for superficial reasons
9. Being too shy and insecure
10. Doing before thinking and praying
I am turning 20 in about a month. Regrets or not, it's going to be an exciting life of learning and loving!
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Single and Not Ready To Mingle
I am a closet Tagalog chick flick lover. (Or since I'm admitting it now. I guess this means I'm "out.") My favorite movie would have to be Got To Believe starring the lovable Ms. Claudine Baretto and the uber cute late Rico Yan. It's about a wedding coordinator who's almost near the "finish line" a.k.a the line of no return that once you've come past it, there's no marrying for you, honey, and so is "desperate" to get married. Her handsome archenemy, a photographer, then comes into the picture to offer her blind dates in the hopes of clicking with one of them and eventually marry. Lo and behold, the two end up falling for each other. Hey, it's a chick flick, okay!
In one scene, her Titas remind her,"Baka maabutan ka na ng finish line! Alam mo naman ang curse sa family. Hindi na nakakapag-asawa pag lumampas ng 25!" I can't really remember how the dialogue went but I'm pretty sure it was something like this.
Toni, played by Baretto, then daydreams of competing in a race where all the women were dressed in wedding gowns. Possibly, this shows a stereotypical approach as to how singles, teenagers and young adults alike, should live out their years. Like some of my relatives, most people believe that if you're not "playing the field," you're not living your years as a young woman or man to the fullest.
Questions regarding the status of your "love life" from your relatives are usually expected as one nears the first third of their life. Not when you're on the onset of puberty. Ever since I stepped into high school, I have had "romantically" related questions and/or jokes thrown to me from so and so relatives. And I'm getting more of them lately as I am 19 going on 20."May boyfriend ka na?," a conversation would start. "No," I say. "Mag-boyfriend ka para ma-enjoy mo pagiging teenager mo." Or something like that becomes the usual implicit or explicit turnout of these conversations.
"Nag-e-enjoy naman ako ah," I answer my Tita in truth. My personal choice to not be part of the whole dating/flirting/MU/fling game may not be a popular and/or fun decision as others would think. However, the question I seek to answer is not, "What would make me happy?" or "What is the popular choice?" As Andy Stanley puts it, my question is,"What is the wise thing to do?"
Contrary to popular belief, experience is not the best teacher. Do you have to drive off a cliff just to learn that driving off a cliff would entail life and death consequences? No, right? Making experience your teacher could lead to a lot of regrets in life. You may not deem me an expert on this area because I've had no romantic relationships whatsoever in my lifetime but I'd rather spare myself (and my future spouse) the heart aches and wait on God instead.
Honestly, when I was younger, I too had been so caught up on the I-have-to-have-a-boyfriend trend. Good thing, God has taught me a lot of things when it comes to purity and guarding my heart. I could go on and on about it but I won't. For now, let me just say that I have thoroughly enjoyed my teen years. It's a sad notion to consider that no boyfriend time is just idle waiting time. God always gives me something to work on and something to enjoy.
"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens." (Ecclesiastes 3:1) Even I don't know or I don't plan when I intend to be in a romantic relationship. All I know is that God will build me for when that time comes. If God has purposed it for me, then the time will come for romance that honors Him. And so I hustle as I wait. Just not in romantic or seemingly romantic relationships with boys.
In one scene, her Titas remind her,"Baka maabutan ka na ng finish line! Alam mo naman ang curse sa family. Hindi na nakakapag-asawa pag lumampas ng 25!" I can't really remember how the dialogue went but I'm pretty sure it was something like this.
Toni, played by Baretto, then daydreams of competing in a race where all the women were dressed in wedding gowns. Possibly, this shows a stereotypical approach as to how singles, teenagers and young adults alike, should live out their years. Like some of my relatives, most people believe that if you're not "playing the field," you're not living your years as a young woman or man to the fullest.
Questions regarding the status of your "love life" from your relatives are usually expected as one nears the first third of their life. Not when you're on the onset of puberty. Ever since I stepped into high school, I have had "romantically" related questions and/or jokes thrown to me from so and so relatives. And I'm getting more of them lately as I am 19 going on 20."May boyfriend ka na?," a conversation would start. "No," I say. "Mag-boyfriend ka para ma-enjoy mo pagiging teenager mo." Or something like that becomes the usual implicit or explicit turnout of these conversations.
"Nag-e-enjoy naman ako ah," I answer my Tita in truth. My personal choice to not be part of the whole dating/flirting/MU/fling game may not be a popular and/or fun decision as others would think. However, the question I seek to answer is not, "What would make me happy?" or "What is the popular choice?" As Andy Stanley puts it, my question is,"What is the wise thing to do?"
Contrary to popular belief, experience is not the best teacher. Do you have to drive off a cliff just to learn that driving off a cliff would entail life and death consequences? No, right? Making experience your teacher could lead to a lot of regrets in life. You may not deem me an expert on this area because I've had no romantic relationships whatsoever in my lifetime but I'd rather spare myself (and my future spouse) the heart aches and wait on God instead.
Honestly, when I was younger, I too had been so caught up on the I-have-to-have-a-boyfriend trend. Good thing, God has taught me a lot of things when it comes to purity and guarding my heart. I could go on and on about it but I won't. For now, let me just say that I have thoroughly enjoyed my teen years. It's a sad notion to consider that no boyfriend time is just idle waiting time. God always gives me something to work on and something to enjoy.
"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens." (Ecclesiastes 3:1) Even I don't know or I don't plan when I intend to be in a romantic relationship. All I know is that God will build me for when that time comes. If God has purposed it for me, then the time will come for romance that honors Him. And so I hustle as I wait. Just not in romantic or seemingly romantic relationships with boys.
The David Digest, Part 3: I Will vs. God Will
There are things in life that we never expect or never truly want but are relevant in getting where we need to be. The biggest encouragement of David's life that has spoken to me lately is the path that he had to go through not just to build him up as King but to fulfill his purpose as the "man after God's own heart." (Acts 13:22)
1 Samuel 21-31 recounts of David's life when he was "on the run." Imagine 10 chapters of the Bible allocated to a time in David's life when he was devoid of the security and warmth of his friends and family. (And by family, I mean his parents and siblings.)Admit it. This isn't something we plan or foresee as something we'd take along the path to our destiny. And I'm pretty sure "running from King Saul" or a No Permanent Address status was on David's bucket list.
There are two traits I admire most about David - faith and patience. He was so secure on who His God is that He didn't waiver on waiting on His God. Twice already, David had the opportunity of killing Saul. (1 Samuel 24,26) As his companions encouraged, God had delivered his enemy. Once he killed Saul, he would become King and all the running and suffering would be over. However, David knew what would honor His God. He chose not to take the life of the Lord's anointed and wait on God's right timing to place him where he needed to be.
Opportunities. Most of the time, people believe that the most likely and best answer to opportunities is a sure "Yes!" Again, David begs to differ. When David was faced with the opportunity of killing Saul, it just seemed that all the signs were there telling David to just do it, right? Even the people who surrounded him and wanted the best for him were encouraging him to do so. Still, David was so immersed in God's Word. He knew God so well that he knew,even though the action might bring about God's destiny for him, it wasn't what God willed.
So the question is for all of us is this: Is it the right opportunity? Most of the time, we (or maybe just me?) like to ask God for signs. Going back to David's situation, it would seem that the signs were just screaming at him. Maybe it's not really a matter of reading the signs but knowing what would truly honor God.
1 Samuel 21-31 recounts of David's life when he was "on the run." Imagine 10 chapters of the Bible allocated to a time in David's life when he was devoid of the security and warmth of his friends and family. (And by family, I mean his parents and siblings.)Admit it. This isn't something we plan or foresee as something we'd take along the path to our destiny. And I'm pretty sure "running from King Saul" or a No Permanent Address status was on David's bucket list.
There are two traits I admire most about David - faith and patience. He was so secure on who His God is that He didn't waiver on waiting on His God. Twice already, David had the opportunity of killing Saul. (1 Samuel 24,26) As his companions encouraged, God had delivered his enemy. Once he killed Saul, he would become King and all the running and suffering would be over. However, David knew what would honor His God. He chose not to take the life of the Lord's anointed and wait on God's right timing to place him where he needed to be.
Opportunities. Most of the time, people believe that the most likely and best answer to opportunities is a sure "Yes!" Again, David begs to differ. When David was faced with the opportunity of killing Saul, it just seemed that all the signs were there telling David to just do it, right? Even the people who surrounded him and wanted the best for him were encouraging him to do so. Still, David was so immersed in God's Word. He knew God so well that he knew,even though the action might bring about God's destiny for him, it wasn't what God willed.
So the question is for all of us is this: Is it the right opportunity? Most of the time, we (or maybe just me?) like to ask God for signs. Going back to David's situation, it would seem that the signs were just screaming at him. Maybe it's not really a matter of reading the signs but knowing what would truly honor God.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
The David Digest, Part 2: THE Cinderella Story
I am reminded of the story of David as I go through this season.
As a teenager, David knew full well that God’s destiny for Him was to become King. However, kingship didn’t come right after God revealed His will. Nor did it come right after “college” or “interning” as his father’s Shepherd Boy or King Saul’s Harp Boy. Also, before the prophecy was revealed to David, it was never mentioned that he had an extensive background of leadership except from leading his flock of sheep. Nor did he express an extreme desire to be ruler of the land. Not exactly the resume that would sweep off royal honchos, huh?
On the onset, it was clear that David had the gift of music. Just the invitation of performing for the King was more than enough affirmation of this gift. If David was like me and he was looking for a sign on what to pursue, this would totally push my button. And if David was a close chum of mine, I would logically presume that this guy was bound to be the next big rock star destined to change the face of music! However, God had already drawn out the plans – grander plans.
At the time of David’s anointing for Kingship, it was clear that He didn’t have the resume for the job. Unlike Goliath and Saul who were built for battle early on, David had nothing to be confident about but God. From this, God built him in leadership and skill for battle. Trust God to be the grandest teacher of all. No MBAs or PhDs from the School of Kingship were required. God knew exactly how to mold His young apprentice and it wasn’t the easy way. Definitely no short cuts. Still, God gave him success in all he did that all of Israel and Judah learned to love this self-proclaimed “poor” and “little known” man.
It took a whirlwind of an adventure filled with hardships and trial before David finally took the throne. And even as King, it was not always smooth sailing for David. The adultery? The murder? The rebellion? Enough said. Nevertheless, David’s destiny was fulfilled. “...David had served God’s purpose in his generation...” (Acts 13:36)
What about David’s gift of music? God certainly did not let that go to waste. David’s gift of music eventually led to the Psalms which has inspired and changed lives generation after generation of who knows what.
Achieving our God-willed destiny would probably prove to be no easy feat. Like David, the path could mean coming across the Goliath and Saul of this world. Through it all, God brought this man of humble beginnings in a place of honor to lead His people.
In Jeremiah 29:11, it says, “’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’”It gives me great comfort that whatever path I take, whether it’s my destiny or distraction. God will find a way to correct me and place me when and where I need to be.
I do not get to know God and then do His will. I get to know Him more deeply by doing His will. – Philip Yancey
As a teenager, David knew full well that God’s destiny for Him was to become King. However, kingship didn’t come right after God revealed His will. Nor did it come right after “college” or “interning” as his father’s Shepherd Boy or King Saul’s Harp Boy. Also, before the prophecy was revealed to David, it was never mentioned that he had an extensive background of leadership except from leading his flock of sheep. Nor did he express an extreme desire to be ruler of the land. Not exactly the resume that would sweep off royal honchos, huh?
On the onset, it was clear that David had the gift of music. Just the invitation of performing for the King was more than enough affirmation of this gift. If David was like me and he was looking for a sign on what to pursue, this would totally push my button. And if David was a close chum of mine, I would logically presume that this guy was bound to be the next big rock star destined to change the face of music! However, God had already drawn out the plans – grander plans.
At the time of David’s anointing for Kingship, it was clear that He didn’t have the resume for the job. Unlike Goliath and Saul who were built for battle early on, David had nothing to be confident about but God. From this, God built him in leadership and skill for battle. Trust God to be the grandest teacher of all. No MBAs or PhDs from the School of Kingship were required. God knew exactly how to mold His young apprentice and it wasn’t the easy way. Definitely no short cuts. Still, God gave him success in all he did that all of Israel and Judah learned to love this self-proclaimed “poor” and “little known” man.
It took a whirlwind of an adventure filled with hardships and trial before David finally took the throne. And even as King, it was not always smooth sailing for David. The adultery? The murder? The rebellion? Enough said. Nevertheless, David’s destiny was fulfilled. “...David had served God’s purpose in his generation...” (Acts 13:36)
What about David’s gift of music? God certainly did not let that go to waste. David’s gift of music eventually led to the Psalms which has inspired and changed lives generation after generation of who knows what.
Achieving our God-willed destiny would probably prove to be no easy feat. Like David, the path could mean coming across the Goliath and Saul of this world. Through it all, God brought this man of humble beginnings in a place of honor to lead His people.
In Jeremiah 29:11, it says, “’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’”It gives me great comfort that whatever path I take, whether it’s my destiny or distraction. God will find a way to correct me and place me when and where I need to be.
I do not get to know God and then do His will. I get to know Him more deeply by doing His will. – Philip Yancey
The David Digest, Part 1: An Introduction
Lately I’ve been reading a lot about how certain successful people came to where they are now. For the most part, I can certainly say that there is not one definite equation on how they came to the “peak” of their success.
Take these Filipino restaurateurs. (Pardon me for the food/business related examples. This might be proof of me flirting(?) with my food/business dreams. :| :| :|)
Margarita Fores. Owner of the well known restaurant chain Cibo and other successful restaurant ventures. She has had no professional training in cooking. Rather, she got into fashion and stayed in Italy. From there, she embraced the culture of Italians and couldn’t help but share the love for their food. And the rest is history.
Lizzie Guerrero. General Manager of The Old Spaghetti House, Chili Willy’s, Grilla and The Stock Market. For her, it was just the natural course to put up a restaurant business. Having been into cooking and baking the most part of her youth and being married to a man whose family owns Cravings, putting up their own restaurant seemed like the natural thing to do. And the rest is history.
Larry J. Cruz. Founder of LJC Group of Restaurants which includes Cafe Adriatico, Abe, Cafe Havana and Bistro Remedios. He’s a very prominent writer. And he confessed himself that he can’t cook. However, later on, he ventured into the food business. And the rest is history.
Let’s go international.
Last summer I watched Julie and Julia, a movie based on the real life story of Julie Powell(Amy Adams) and Julia Child(Meryl Streep).
If you have no idea who Julia Child is, she is the author of Mastering the Art of French Cooking and host of a 1963 television show, The French Chef. Before becoming a master chef herself, Child was professionally into writing and advertising. It was in her late thirties when she stayed in Paris with her husband that she got into French cooking. In the movie, I found it quite funny how she became the most competitive since she was the only woman enrolled in the obviously dominant male class in Le Cordon Bleu. Moreover, being American, racial judgments were definitely at hand. I could go on and on about the trials and hardships that Julia Child went through on how she got to where she was and is but that is what the movie is for.
Julie Powell? She earned popularity from her blog and book on her successful attempt to go by Child’s book. Google her.
Story time over. Reflection now.
“Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you...” (Isaiah 30:18)
This verse never fails to strike me. I hope that we wouldn’t be swooned by Satan’s lie that God doesn’t care because He does. Even if I choose to give up caring, He won’t. That’s just who He is. I’ve been so stressed out lately of finding the right path for me – of determining which step to take to grasp on to that God-willed destiny. Maybe in my “concern” for determining God’s will for my life, I’ve overlooked the fact that I can never “out-concern” Him. As much as I want to pursue His vision for my life, He’s even crazier for me to get there. He’s the one who planned it out!
Proverbs 3:5 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” Andy Stanley puts it this way, “God does not give out direction for contemplation and consideration. He gives it out for participation.” It’s not a matter of tell-me-Your-will-then-I-weigh-my-options. It’s a heart of “Yes, God!” before anything else.
This season of path finding made me assess areas of my spiritual life primarily that of Trust. Again, God brings me to His revelation of being still and waiting. Again, He brings me back to the value of child-like faith – of wondrous amazement of who He is and what He can do. Will I have faith enough to believe that He is able to fulfil the craziest of dreams that would be set in my heart? Will I be humble enough to obey and take that leap of faith? Will I listen?
Take these Filipino restaurateurs. (Pardon me for the food/business related examples. This might be proof of me flirting(?) with my food/business dreams. :| :| :|)
Margarita Fores. Owner of the well known restaurant chain Cibo and other successful restaurant ventures. She has had no professional training in cooking. Rather, she got into fashion and stayed in Italy. From there, she embraced the culture of Italians and couldn’t help but share the love for their food. And the rest is history.
Lizzie Guerrero. General Manager of The Old Spaghetti House, Chili Willy’s, Grilla and The Stock Market. For her, it was just the natural course to put up a restaurant business. Having been into cooking and baking the most part of her youth and being married to a man whose family owns Cravings, putting up their own restaurant seemed like the natural thing to do. And the rest is history.
Larry J. Cruz. Founder of LJC Group of Restaurants which includes Cafe Adriatico, Abe, Cafe Havana and Bistro Remedios. He’s a very prominent writer. And he confessed himself that he can’t cook. However, later on, he ventured into the food business. And the rest is history.
Let’s go international.
Last summer I watched Julie and Julia, a movie based on the real life story of Julie Powell(Amy Adams) and Julia Child(Meryl Streep).
If you have no idea who Julia Child is, she is the author of Mastering the Art of French Cooking and host of a 1963 television show, The French Chef. Before becoming a master chef herself, Child was professionally into writing and advertising. It was in her late thirties when she stayed in Paris with her husband that she got into French cooking. In the movie, I found it quite funny how she became the most competitive since she was the only woman enrolled in the obviously dominant male class in Le Cordon Bleu. Moreover, being American, racial judgments were definitely at hand. I could go on and on about the trials and hardships that Julia Child went through on how she got to where she was and is but that is what the movie is for.
Julie Powell? She earned popularity from her blog and book on her successful attempt to go by Child’s book. Google her.
Story time over. Reflection now.
“Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you...” (Isaiah 30:18)
This verse never fails to strike me. I hope that we wouldn’t be swooned by Satan’s lie that God doesn’t care because He does. Even if I choose to give up caring, He won’t. That’s just who He is. I’ve been so stressed out lately of finding the right path for me – of determining which step to take to grasp on to that God-willed destiny. Maybe in my “concern” for determining God’s will for my life, I’ve overlooked the fact that I can never “out-concern” Him. As much as I want to pursue His vision for my life, He’s even crazier for me to get there. He’s the one who planned it out!
Proverbs 3:5 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” Andy Stanley puts it this way, “God does not give out direction for contemplation and consideration. He gives it out for participation.” It’s not a matter of tell-me-Your-will-then-I-weigh-my-options. It’s a heart of “Yes, God!” before anything else.
This season of path finding made me assess areas of my spiritual life primarily that of Trust. Again, God brings me to His revelation of being still and waiting. Again, He brings me back to the value of child-like faith – of wondrous amazement of who He is and what He can do. Will I have faith enough to believe that He is able to fulfil the craziest of dreams that would be set in my heart? Will I be humble enough to obey and take that leap of faith? Will I listen?
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Hakuna Matata
However long I may have walked in this path, there are times that I just keep forgetting the most basic thing - DO NOT FEAR.
Sometimes I fear that the visions set in my heart wouldn't come into reality. Time is passing. I'm not doing anything. How can I ever be sure that my desires would truly be granted? Again, the answer comes to me in the simplest and truest phrase - ONLY BY GOD'S GRACE.
I remember conversations with my friends and pouring over how we want to go back to being kids. To spend each day playing around with no worries. To be fully dependent in our parents' care and provision. To live each day without fear. To just cuddle in love securely.
It's so easy to say, "I want to be like a child." Yet, I have come to the most striking realization that it is just so hard to do!!! Now, I'm finally starting to understand God's purpose in frequently hinting me the story of Martha and Mary.
I am such a Martha. Or maybe even more. I am dominating. How many times have I pressed upon others that I can take care of things all by myself? I am a lover of the busy life. It pains me to not do anything. Seriously. I measure my worth by my utility. My presence screams, "Here I am. Use me!"
The Lord says, "in repentance and rest is your salvation,in quietness and trust is your strength." (Isa 30:15) My worth will never and could never be determined by the amount of good deeds I do. It is only in the acknowledgment that God alone saves me that I am saved. It is when I learn to be still and obey in quietness that I find genuine trust in God. God is not looking for perfection. That's what He intends to do with me. Instead, He desires my obedience.
God has put no burden in me. God is asking it from me. At times, I may be like a little child but with the facet of selfishness. In all my mediocre strength, I still attempt to take things from God's hands. (Psalms 119:109)
I am thankful that God knows me better than I know myself. He knows every desire and every secret petition of my heart that I may possibly not even be aware of. (Psalms 37:4) I am thankful that He knows how to woo me into slowly letting go and letting things fall into His mighty hands. Even if I turn my ears and try to do things my way, He is patient enough to constantly tell me to listen. I am thankful that each day, He calls me into a life of grace.
And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28)
Sometimes I fear that the visions set in my heart wouldn't come into reality. Time is passing. I'm not doing anything. How can I ever be sure that my desires would truly be granted? Again, the answer comes to me in the simplest and truest phrase - ONLY BY GOD'S GRACE.
I remember conversations with my friends and pouring over how we want to go back to being kids. To spend each day playing around with no worries. To be fully dependent in our parents' care and provision. To live each day without fear. To just cuddle in love securely.
It's so easy to say, "I want to be like a child." Yet, I have come to the most striking realization that it is just so hard to do!!! Now, I'm finally starting to understand God's purpose in frequently hinting me the story of Martha and Mary.
I am such a Martha. Or maybe even more. I am dominating. How many times have I pressed upon others that I can take care of things all by myself? I am a lover of the busy life. It pains me to not do anything. Seriously. I measure my worth by my utility. My presence screams, "Here I am. Use me!"
The Lord says, "in repentance and rest is your salvation,in quietness and trust is your strength." (Isa 30:15) My worth will never and could never be determined by the amount of good deeds I do. It is only in the acknowledgment that God alone saves me that I am saved. It is when I learn to be still and obey in quietness that I find genuine trust in God. God is not looking for perfection. That's what He intends to do with me. Instead, He desires my obedience.
God has put no burden in me. God is asking it from me. At times, I may be like a little child but with the facet of selfishness. In all my mediocre strength, I still attempt to take things from God's hands. (Psalms 119:109)
I am thankful that God knows me better than I know myself. He knows every desire and every secret petition of my heart that I may possibly not even be aware of. (Psalms 37:4) I am thankful that He knows how to woo me into slowly letting go and letting things fall into His mighty hands. Even if I turn my ears and try to do things my way, He is patient enough to constantly tell me to listen. I am thankful that each day, He calls me into a life of grace.
And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28)
Friday, April 2, 2010
Why Wait?
For some reason, I must be running out of creative juice. Again, I'll have to post something I wrote months ago in my journal.
Honestly, I'm posting this partly for selfish reasons. This is just me encouraging myself to wait.
During (or maybe even at the start of) the semester, I wish for vacation to come so I can just bum around the whole day and night. Now that summer is here, again, I'm feeling restless. I'm waiting for so many things. Okay, I need to breathe.
Still, I realize even more now how God knows how I can be. For example, whenever I read a book or watch a movie, I make sure that I go through it from start to end. I hate skipping pages or scenes. I hate spoilers. I want to journey through the story the way the author or the maker meant it so with all its surprises.
Today, the suspense may be killing (Ok, I'm exaggerating.) me. Still, I want to have faith that all this waiting would be worth it. And I believe He will let it be worth it.
"It is the glory of God to conceal a matter; to search out a matter is the glory of kings." (Proverbs 25:2)
It's funny. It's when we actually not do anything that we're most stressed or anxious. Think about it. How do you feel when you're waiting for food you've ordered at a restaurant? Or when you're stuck in a traffic jam? Or when you want to know how you did on a killer exam?
I guess these are just warm ups to real waiting. Little stretches to keep our hearts pumping. Micro mini drills to prepare us for the real exercise.
Man, God's so clever.
WHY WAIT?
Over and over, I hear that waiting is a season. For as long as I can remember, I've always hated waiting. I hate waiting in grocery lines. I hate waiting for dinner to be ready. I hate waiting to finally grow up. Waiting takes work. Hard work!
As I come to know more of God and His heart, I am encouraged by the sweet words He utters. I am enthralled by His loving whispers. I am awestruck by the wonders He reveals. And then He goes and says...WAIT.
It takes grace. Ironic as it may sound, waiting means surrendering - giving up. It's giving it all up to God. All our hopes, dreams, visions, and desires placed in one hand.
I take comfort in this hand that created heaven and earth. I take comfort in the hand which belongs to the Holy One. I take comfort in this hand that holds me, guides me and lifts me up. I take comfort, in the hand of God, that out of His great love, picked me.
Sometimes I take pride in myself for having the will to wait on God. I want to glorify God, I think to myself. Still, my heart began to nourish a secret - Waiting was a favor to God. Again, my "good works" syndrome got to me. Again, I was shrouded by the thought of what I can do for God rather than what He is doing for me.
God is a waiting God. All my life I have made God wait for me. It shames me to know that I have done this to such a holy and majestic God. Yet, it also flatters me to have an awesome God wait for me. I feel even more beautiful and loved in knowing that a God as awesome as He sees me as worth waiting for - as a woman worth pursuing.
If there is even a feeling greater than joy, that is how I get as God romances me.As I long to seek His heart,I find that it is He who has a heart that yearns for me. (Jer 31:20)
I will wait because He waited. I will be faithful because He has always been faithful.
"BE STILL, AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD." (Psalms 46:10)
Honestly, I'm posting this partly for selfish reasons. This is just me encouraging myself to wait.
During (or maybe even at the start of) the semester, I wish for vacation to come so I can just bum around the whole day and night. Now that summer is here, again, I'm feeling restless. I'm waiting for so many things. Okay, I need to breathe.
Still, I realize even more now how God knows how I can be. For example, whenever I read a book or watch a movie, I make sure that I go through it from start to end. I hate skipping pages or scenes. I hate spoilers. I want to journey through the story the way the author or the maker meant it so with all its surprises.
Today, the suspense may be killing (Ok, I'm exaggerating.) me. Still, I want to have faith that all this waiting would be worth it. And I believe He will let it be worth it.
"It is the glory of God to conceal a matter; to search out a matter is the glory of kings." (Proverbs 25:2)
It's funny. It's when we actually not do anything that we're most stressed or anxious. Think about it. How do you feel when you're waiting for food you've ordered at a restaurant? Or when you're stuck in a traffic jam? Or when you want to know how you did on a killer exam?
I guess these are just warm ups to real waiting. Little stretches to keep our hearts pumping. Micro mini drills to prepare us for the real exercise.
Man, God's so clever.
WHY WAIT?
Over and over, I hear that waiting is a season. For as long as I can remember, I've always hated waiting. I hate waiting in grocery lines. I hate waiting for dinner to be ready. I hate waiting to finally grow up. Waiting takes work. Hard work!
As I come to know more of God and His heart, I am encouraged by the sweet words He utters. I am enthralled by His loving whispers. I am awestruck by the wonders He reveals. And then He goes and says...WAIT.
It takes grace. Ironic as it may sound, waiting means surrendering - giving up. It's giving it all up to God. All our hopes, dreams, visions, and desires placed in one hand.
I take comfort in this hand that created heaven and earth. I take comfort in the hand which belongs to the Holy One. I take comfort in this hand that holds me, guides me and lifts me up. I take comfort, in the hand of God, that out of His great love, picked me.
Sometimes I take pride in myself for having the will to wait on God. I want to glorify God, I think to myself. Still, my heart began to nourish a secret - Waiting was a favor to God. Again, my "good works" syndrome got to me. Again, I was shrouded by the thought of what I can do for God rather than what He is doing for me.
God is a waiting God. All my life I have made God wait for me. It shames me to know that I have done this to such a holy and majestic God. Yet, it also flatters me to have an awesome God wait for me. I feel even more beautiful and loved in knowing that a God as awesome as He sees me as worth waiting for - as a woman worth pursuing.
If there is even a feeling greater than joy, that is how I get as God romances me.As I long to seek His heart,I find that it is He who has a heart that yearns for me. (Jer 31:20)
I will wait because He waited. I will be faithful because He has always been faithful.
"BE STILL, AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD." (Psalms 46:10)
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
My favorite P words
1. Purpose
Purposeful. That's one word I've been hearing quite frequently from a friend. I've been thinking about it and MY GOLLY. Most of what I do revert to another P - Pointless!
SO. How do we define if what we're doing is Purposeful?
First, shape your purpose. Second, make sure the plans fit!
All my blogs have always entirely been about me me me me me and me. I finally cleaned up my blog because I want it to be Purposeful. And my purpose is to glorify God. The plan? This leaves us to my second P...
2. Passion
Passion is what drives you. It's that something that you'd do even if no one asked you to.
Two years ago, a friend asked me what I was passionate about. I was dumbfounded! It took me quite a long time before I realized what some of my passions are. Hopefully, I'll learn more about them in the NEAR (haha) future.
Obviously, one of the things I'm passionate about is writing! What are you passionate about? :)
3. Privilege
A privilege is a special right not available to everybody. In a nutshell, EVERYTHING is a privilege.
I'll talk more about this on a different post.
4. Provision
I believe I always had been sort of a materialistic kid. Good thing, God knows it so much. Growing up, I had been surrounded with people, whom I believe, have gifts as their love language. YAY! :) Haha.
Yesterday, I received gift #1 on my mental Wish List! YIPEE!!!!!!!
It's an NIV Study Bible. :) I found it in my Mom's shelf. It's really cool since it even has a cross-reference system, maps, pictures of temples/buildings and many other whatchamacallits!
At first, I wasn't exactly gleeful. I was grateful but not totally. I really felt like a total ingrate. I prayed about it then WHOA. I realized that God answered two of my prayers.
Recently, I've been having a hard time reading the Bible since I couldn't fully comprehend what was happening and why they were happening. With the Study Bible, it helped show me some light on a couple of things. (and hopefully many more things in the future! :) )
See? God really knows me and my love language so much. :D Thank you for the gift, Daddy! :)
5. Providence
In the end, I'm really glad I don't get my way. With all my bad decisions and judgments, I literally wouldn't stand a chance without Him. :)
Purposeful. That's one word I've been hearing quite frequently from a friend. I've been thinking about it and MY GOLLY. Most of what I do revert to another P - Pointless!
SO. How do we define if what we're doing is Purposeful?
First, shape your purpose. Second, make sure the plans fit!
All my blogs have always entirely been about me me me me me and me. I finally cleaned up my blog because I want it to be Purposeful. And my purpose is to glorify God. The plan? This leaves us to my second P...
2. Passion
Passion is what drives you. It's that something that you'd do even if no one asked you to.
Two years ago, a friend asked me what I was passionate about. I was dumbfounded! It took me quite a long time before I realized what some of my passions are. Hopefully, I'll learn more about them in the NEAR (haha) future.
Obviously, one of the things I'm passionate about is writing! What are you passionate about? :)
3. Privilege
A privilege is a special right not available to everybody. In a nutshell, EVERYTHING is a privilege.
I'll talk more about this on a different post.
4. Provision
I believe I always had been sort of a materialistic kid. Good thing, God knows it so much. Growing up, I had been surrounded with people, whom I believe, have gifts as their love language. YAY! :) Haha.
Yesterday, I received gift #1 on my mental Wish List! YIPEE!!!!!!!
It's an NIV Study Bible. :) I found it in my Mom's shelf. It's really cool since it even has a cross-reference system, maps, pictures of temples/buildings and many other whatchamacallits!
At first, I wasn't exactly gleeful. I was grateful but not totally. I really felt like a total ingrate. I prayed about it then WHOA. I realized that God answered two of my prayers.
Recently, I've been having a hard time reading the Bible since I couldn't fully comprehend what was happening and why they were happening. With the Study Bible, it helped show me some light on a couple of things. (and hopefully many more things in the future! :) )
See? God really knows me and my love language so much. :D Thank you for the gift, Daddy! :)
5. Providence
In the end, I'm really glad I don't get my way. With all my bad decisions and judgments, I literally wouldn't stand a chance without Him. :)
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Love Story #1
"Those who look to Him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame." (Psalms 34:10)
I thought I'd share this paper I wrote for my English 12 class in my first year of college. The activity was to write a memoir. And the catch was that we'd let everyone in our class read it but we were allowed to name it with our pseudonyms.
A few hours, weeks, months, years ago, I would have deemed this story to be a total embarrassment. But as I reflect upon it now, I have come to the understanding that all has come to pass for His glory.
I modified the ending of this essay. Why? I wrote the ending out of a wrong view of love. I've always been lost with ending my essays.:|
I'm sharing this essay because I was just blown away by what I have always known but never really understood about love.
"Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." (1 Cor 13:4-7)
Just now, I realized what this new season that God has put me in. It's the season of learning to love. (So that's why I've been reading and hearing all these love things lately...) And it's something I've been having a really hard time with! I'm having a hard time to love people I live with, people who've crossed me, people who I just don't like, people who are "difficult", blah blah blah. And I even have a hard time loving God! Just this morning, the devotional I read was about the greatest commandment: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength." Before, I used to think of this as so commonsensical. Again, I stand corrected. It's good to know that we are selfish. I am selfish. And if I hadn't known about God's command to love, I wouldn't have given it an ounce of a chance. Aren't you glad that God wants to teach us? :)
Loving is hard. But God's grace is sufficient!!! :)
My Teenage Memoir.
She knew it was such a futile scene. Missing school in exchange for long hours inside a crappy old rented van parked at the mall. The drama was something she'd laugh at if she took sight of it on the silver screen. Though at this moment, laughing was nowhere in her heart. “Lord, please don't let me see my Dad with another woman. Hindi ko kaya. Hindi ko alam sasabihin ko.” Her Mom had been prepping her for her theatrical scene with her dad and his *bleep*. “Ayaw mo na ba sa 'kin? Gusto mo Nanay mo nalang 'yung Putaching na 'yon?!” Her mom was insistent that she, the daughter, fend for their family. At thirteen years old, her whole world was a crisis.
Thirteen. The Unlucky Number. Unlucky meets Grace. At the age of thirteen, God had touched this un-special girl's life.
I would have died a long time ago if not for my Dad. Call me Daddy's Girl and I would call it flattery. I and my little brother had always been close to our Dad. He was the best. Of course, kids love spoilers. And Daddy spoiled us good. Mom? She was The Chief. It was not really for this fact that I was more attached to my Dad. I loved my Dad more because he supported me and trusted me in every way. Mom usually pulled me down. Yup, Dad got me going on life. I even remember the only time I cried while I was asleep was when I dreamt I had lost my dear old Papa. Nevertheless, I knew we had a happy family. Or so I thought.
"May Babae ang Papa mo." The four words that could make white turn to black and vice versa. Liar. Liar. Liar! Absurd. Preposterous. NO FREAKIN’ WAY. These were the words that could have flooded the mind of Daddy’s Little Girl at that instant. Truth be told, I cannot remember how I felt upon hearing them. “Liar. Liar. Liar! Absurd. Preposterous. NO FREAKIN’ WAY.” were actually the words of close-minded rumination.
I simply hated my Mom for bad mouthing my Dad. "Sex Addict ang Papa mo, alam mo ba ‘yun?" I hated her for dragging me into all the drama whilst my brother had no idea about what was going on. "Bata pa kapatid mo." "Bata pa din ako." I hated her for thinking that we like him better because we love our material world. Papa’s more than that. I hated her more than I should have hated my Dad.
The day I missed school must have been the day I dreaded the most. That day would have marked the un-ME-est thing ever. On and on, my mom practiced me on what would have to transpire. The grand scheme: Follow Dad’s car in the morning and catch him fetching his mistress. The mistress is a colleague. According to Mom’s secret little spies, it was routine for my Dad to fetch and take home Babalina, the name my Mom frequently used for the ugly old slut . My task then was to confront the perfidious “couple”. I WANT TO DIE. It was simply torture to death for me. I want everything fixed but I just don’t know how I could go on through being the person my Mom wanted me to front.
It’s so trite. In times of tragic desperation, our last resort would probably be to remember God. Prayers streamed through my mind as I hoped for failure. I honestly do not want everything to go as planned. I held on promises to God as I asked Him to deliver me from my momentary Hell. I have never ever prayed so faithfully as I did on that day. And I will never ever forget how God answered my prayers.
God started to bore a new person in me on the day I finally chose to run to Him. I never came to the encounter my Mom had always wished. Days passed. Run Away Christmas Days, UnHappy Birthdays, Bitter Days and the one I hate the most, Deceit Days. You might think it’s terrible how days like these came to my life after I surrendered everything to God. Some situations tend to become darker and darker. But still I'm grateful. In Him there is truly no darkness at all. (1 Jn 1:6) I'm happy that I am finally able to open my eyes, long for the warmth of God's light, and just fall in His loving embrace. His love always protects. His love always perseveres.
Still, I couldn't understand how my Dad could betray my Mom. How could he betray our family? He loved us. He loves us. I have always been so secure of this love. It left me wounded and confused. So many times have I wanted to give up on this family thing, on this love thing. If this man who gave life to me, who saw me as special in his eyes, who assured me of his love for me could deceive me, how then could I possibly be expected to trust everyone else? How then could I possibly be loved?
Love always trusts. Love always hopes. I was always just looking at myself, always just looking at the world. Nowadays, people always seem to view love as an age old topic that they think they've totally figured it out. I believe we are but interns to understanding and practicing real love. Or, in my case, I'm just a preschooler who leaps on demand and learns things the hard way. Good thing, God's love is patient. I've chosen to forgive my Mom and my Dad a long time ago. Despite my apprehension, doubt, wrongs, and many other shortcomings, God's love is able to make everything perfect. (1 Cor 13:10)
-----
P.S. This is entitled Love Story #1 because, by God's grace, a Love Story #2 is on its way! Hihihihihihi
I thought I'd share this paper I wrote for my English 12 class in my first year of college. The activity was to write a memoir. And the catch was that we'd let everyone in our class read it but we were allowed to name it with our pseudonyms.
A few hours, weeks, months, years ago, I would have deemed this story to be a total embarrassment. But as I reflect upon it now, I have come to the understanding that all has come to pass for His glory.
I modified the ending of this essay. Why? I wrote the ending out of a wrong view of love. I've always been lost with ending my essays.:|
I'm sharing this essay because I was just blown away by what I have always known but never really understood about love.
"Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." (1 Cor 13:4-7)
Just now, I realized what this new season that God has put me in. It's the season of learning to love. (So that's why I've been reading and hearing all these love things lately...) And it's something I've been having a really hard time with! I'm having a hard time to love people I live with, people who've crossed me, people who I just don't like, people who are "difficult", blah blah blah. And I even have a hard time loving God! Just this morning, the devotional I read was about the greatest commandment: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength." Before, I used to think of this as so commonsensical. Again, I stand corrected. It's good to know that we are selfish. I am selfish. And if I hadn't known about God's command to love, I wouldn't have given it an ounce of a chance. Aren't you glad that God wants to teach us? :)
Loving is hard. But God's grace is sufficient!!! :)
My Teenage Memoir.
She knew it was such a futile scene. Missing school in exchange for long hours inside a crappy old rented van parked at the mall. The drama was something she'd laugh at if she took sight of it on the silver screen. Though at this moment, laughing was nowhere in her heart. “Lord, please don't let me see my Dad with another woman. Hindi ko kaya. Hindi ko alam sasabihin ko.” Her Mom had been prepping her for her theatrical scene with her dad and his *bleep*. “Ayaw mo na ba sa 'kin? Gusto mo Nanay mo nalang 'yung Putaching na 'yon?!” Her mom was insistent that she, the daughter, fend for their family. At thirteen years old, her whole world was a crisis.
Thirteen. The Unlucky Number. Unlucky meets Grace. At the age of thirteen, God had touched this un-special girl's life.
I would have died a long time ago if not for my Dad. Call me Daddy's Girl and I would call it flattery. I and my little brother had always been close to our Dad. He was the best. Of course, kids love spoilers. And Daddy spoiled us good. Mom? She was The Chief. It was not really for this fact that I was more attached to my Dad. I loved my Dad more because he supported me and trusted me in every way. Mom usually pulled me down. Yup, Dad got me going on life. I even remember the only time I cried while I was asleep was when I dreamt I had lost my dear old Papa. Nevertheless, I knew we had a happy family. Or so I thought.
"May Babae ang Papa mo." The four words that could make white turn to black and vice versa. Liar. Liar. Liar! Absurd. Preposterous. NO FREAKIN’ WAY. These were the words that could have flooded the mind of Daddy’s Little Girl at that instant. Truth be told, I cannot remember how I felt upon hearing them. “Liar. Liar. Liar! Absurd. Preposterous. NO FREAKIN’ WAY.” were actually the words of close-minded rumination.
I simply hated my Mom for bad mouthing my Dad. "Sex Addict ang Papa mo, alam mo ba ‘yun?" I hated her for dragging me into all the drama whilst my brother had no idea about what was going on. "Bata pa kapatid mo." "Bata pa din ako." I hated her for thinking that we like him better because we love our material world. Papa’s more than that. I hated her more than I should have hated my Dad.
The day I missed school must have been the day I dreaded the most. That day would have marked the un-ME-est thing ever. On and on, my mom practiced me on what would have to transpire. The grand scheme: Follow Dad’s car in the morning and catch him fetching his mistress. The mistress is a colleague. According to Mom’s secret little spies, it was routine for my Dad to fetch and take home Babalina, the name my Mom frequently used for the ugly old slut . My task then was to confront the perfidious “couple”. I WANT TO DIE. It was simply torture to death for me. I want everything fixed but I just don’t know how I could go on through being the person my Mom wanted me to front.
It’s so trite. In times of tragic desperation, our last resort would probably be to remember God. Prayers streamed through my mind as I hoped for failure. I honestly do not want everything to go as planned. I held on promises to God as I asked Him to deliver me from my momentary Hell. I have never ever prayed so faithfully as I did on that day. And I will never ever forget how God answered my prayers.
God started to bore a new person in me on the day I finally chose to run to Him. I never came to the encounter my Mom had always wished. Days passed. Run Away Christmas Days, UnHappy Birthdays, Bitter Days and the one I hate the most, Deceit Days. You might think it’s terrible how days like these came to my life after I surrendered everything to God. Some situations tend to become darker and darker. But still I'm grateful. In Him there is truly no darkness at all. (1 Jn 1:6) I'm happy that I am finally able to open my eyes, long for the warmth of God's light, and just fall in His loving embrace. His love always protects. His love always perseveres.
Still, I couldn't understand how my Dad could betray my Mom. How could he betray our family? He loved us. He loves us. I have always been so secure of this love. It left me wounded and confused. So many times have I wanted to give up on this family thing, on this love thing. If this man who gave life to me, who saw me as special in his eyes, who assured me of his love for me could deceive me, how then could I possibly be expected to trust everyone else? How then could I possibly be loved?
Love always trusts. Love always hopes. I was always just looking at myself, always just looking at the world. Nowadays, people always seem to view love as an age old topic that they think they've totally figured it out. I believe we are but interns to understanding and practicing real love. Or, in my case, I'm just a preschooler who leaps on demand and learns things the hard way. Good thing, God's love is patient. I've chosen to forgive my Mom and my Dad a long time ago. Despite my apprehension, doubt, wrongs, and many other shortcomings, God's love is able to make everything perfect. (1 Cor 13:10)
-----
P.S. This is entitled Love Story #1 because, by God's grace, a Love Story #2 is on its way! Hihihihihihi
Summer Resolutions (?) by God's Grace!!!!!!
I am so tempted.
To clean this blog up! This is my nth blog already. If you know me, then you know I like new and clean things. It's been a habit of mine to start and start and start something. Some I end well. And some....not well enough.
Hello Summer 2010!
Hopefully, I will start writing again. :)
Hopefully, I will start being healthy again.
Hopefully, I will start with my internship.
Hopefully, I will start living in a new home AGAIN.
Haha, yes, you read that right! Once again, I moved! Please blame it on my case of pseudo-mild ADD. (Yes, I did research and I kind of fit into SOME of the symptoms ahihi.)
Wherever my new home would be, it'll be my 5th home! Just recently, I learned that, based on the Bible, the number 5 is the number of Grace. And that's exactly what I need for the things I'm hoping to start on - God's grace. :)
To clean this blog up! This is my nth blog already. If you know me, then you know I like new and clean things. It's been a habit of mine to start and start and start something. Some I end well. And some....not well enough.
Hello Summer 2010!
Hopefully, I will start writing again. :)
Hopefully, I will start being healthy again.
Hopefully, I will start with my internship.
Hopefully, I will start living in a new home AGAIN.
Haha, yes, you read that right! Once again, I moved! Please blame it on my case of pseudo-mild ADD. (Yes, I did research and I kind of fit into SOME of the symptoms ahihi.)
Wherever my new home would be, it'll be my 5th home! Just recently, I learned that, based on the Bible, the number 5 is the number of Grace. And that's exactly what I need for the things I'm hoping to start on - God's grace. :)
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