However long I may have walked in this path, there are times that I just keep forgetting the most basic thing - DO NOT FEAR.
Sometimes I fear that the visions set in my heart wouldn't come into reality. Time is passing. I'm not doing anything. How can I ever be sure that my desires would truly be granted? Again, the answer comes to me in the simplest and truest phrase - ONLY BY GOD'S GRACE.
I remember conversations with my friends and pouring over how we want to go back to being kids. To spend each day playing around with no worries. To be fully dependent in our parents' care and provision. To live each day without fear. To just cuddle in love securely.
It's so easy to say, "I want to be like a child." Yet, I have come to the most striking realization that it is just so hard to do!!! Now, I'm finally starting to understand God's purpose in frequently hinting me the story of Martha and Mary.
I am such a Martha. Or maybe even more. I am dominating. How many times have I pressed upon others that I can take care of things all by myself? I am a lover of the busy life. It pains me to not do anything. Seriously. I measure my worth by my utility. My presence screams, "Here I am. Use me!"
The Lord says, "in repentance and rest is your salvation,in quietness and trust is your strength." (Isa 30:15) My worth will never and could never be determined by the amount of good deeds I do. It is only in the acknowledgment that God alone saves me that I am saved. It is when I learn to be still and obey in quietness that I find genuine trust in God. God is not looking for perfection. That's what He intends to do with me. Instead, He desires my obedience.
God has put no burden in me. God is asking it from me. At times, I may be like a little child but with the facet of selfishness. In all my mediocre strength, I still attempt to take things from God's hands. (Psalms 119:109)
I am thankful that God knows me better than I know myself. He knows every desire and every secret petition of my heart that I may possibly not even be aware of. (Psalms 37:4) I am thankful that He knows how to woo me into slowly letting go and letting things fall into His mighty hands. Even if I turn my ears and try to do things my way, He is patient enough to constantly tell me to listen. I am thankful that each day, He calls me into a life of grace.
And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28)
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Friday, April 2, 2010
Why Wait?
For some reason, I must be running out of creative juice. Again, I'll have to post something I wrote months ago in my journal.
Honestly, I'm posting this partly for selfish reasons. This is just me encouraging myself to wait.
During (or maybe even at the start of) the semester, I wish for vacation to come so I can just bum around the whole day and night. Now that summer is here, again, I'm feeling restless. I'm waiting for so many things. Okay, I need to breathe.
Still, I realize even more now how God knows how I can be. For example, whenever I read a book or watch a movie, I make sure that I go through it from start to end. I hate skipping pages or scenes. I hate spoilers. I want to journey through the story the way the author or the maker meant it so with all its surprises.
Today, the suspense may be killing (Ok, I'm exaggerating.) me. Still, I want to have faith that all this waiting would be worth it. And I believe He will let it be worth it.
"It is the glory of God to conceal a matter; to search out a matter is the glory of kings." (Proverbs 25:2)
It's funny. It's when we actually not do anything that we're most stressed or anxious. Think about it. How do you feel when you're waiting for food you've ordered at a restaurant? Or when you're stuck in a traffic jam? Or when you want to know how you did on a killer exam?
I guess these are just warm ups to real waiting. Little stretches to keep our hearts pumping. Micro mini drills to prepare us for the real exercise.
Man, God's so clever.
WHY WAIT?
Over and over, I hear that waiting is a season. For as long as I can remember, I've always hated waiting. I hate waiting in grocery lines. I hate waiting for dinner to be ready. I hate waiting to finally grow up. Waiting takes work. Hard work!
As I come to know more of God and His heart, I am encouraged by the sweet words He utters. I am enthralled by His loving whispers. I am awestruck by the wonders He reveals. And then He goes and says...WAIT.
It takes grace. Ironic as it may sound, waiting means surrendering - giving up. It's giving it all up to God. All our hopes, dreams, visions, and desires placed in one hand.
I take comfort in this hand that created heaven and earth. I take comfort in the hand which belongs to the Holy One. I take comfort in this hand that holds me, guides me and lifts me up. I take comfort, in the hand of God, that out of His great love, picked me.
Sometimes I take pride in myself for having the will to wait on God. I want to glorify God, I think to myself. Still, my heart began to nourish a secret - Waiting was a favor to God. Again, my "good works" syndrome got to me. Again, I was shrouded by the thought of what I can do for God rather than what He is doing for me.
God is a waiting God. All my life I have made God wait for me. It shames me to know that I have done this to such a holy and majestic God. Yet, it also flatters me to have an awesome God wait for me. I feel even more beautiful and loved in knowing that a God as awesome as He sees me as worth waiting for - as a woman worth pursuing.
If there is even a feeling greater than joy, that is how I get as God romances me.As I long to seek His heart,I find that it is He who has a heart that yearns for me. (Jer 31:20)
I will wait because He waited. I will be faithful because He has always been faithful.
"BE STILL, AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD." (Psalms 46:10)
Honestly, I'm posting this partly for selfish reasons. This is just me encouraging myself to wait.
During (or maybe even at the start of) the semester, I wish for vacation to come so I can just bum around the whole day and night. Now that summer is here, again, I'm feeling restless. I'm waiting for so many things. Okay, I need to breathe.
Still, I realize even more now how God knows how I can be. For example, whenever I read a book or watch a movie, I make sure that I go through it from start to end. I hate skipping pages or scenes. I hate spoilers. I want to journey through the story the way the author or the maker meant it so with all its surprises.
Today, the suspense may be killing (Ok, I'm exaggerating.) me. Still, I want to have faith that all this waiting would be worth it. And I believe He will let it be worth it.
"It is the glory of God to conceal a matter; to search out a matter is the glory of kings." (Proverbs 25:2)
It's funny. It's when we actually not do anything that we're most stressed or anxious. Think about it. How do you feel when you're waiting for food you've ordered at a restaurant? Or when you're stuck in a traffic jam? Or when you want to know how you did on a killer exam?
I guess these are just warm ups to real waiting. Little stretches to keep our hearts pumping. Micro mini drills to prepare us for the real exercise.
Man, God's so clever.
WHY WAIT?
Over and over, I hear that waiting is a season. For as long as I can remember, I've always hated waiting. I hate waiting in grocery lines. I hate waiting for dinner to be ready. I hate waiting to finally grow up. Waiting takes work. Hard work!
As I come to know more of God and His heart, I am encouraged by the sweet words He utters. I am enthralled by His loving whispers. I am awestruck by the wonders He reveals. And then He goes and says...WAIT.
It takes grace. Ironic as it may sound, waiting means surrendering - giving up. It's giving it all up to God. All our hopes, dreams, visions, and desires placed in one hand.
I take comfort in this hand that created heaven and earth. I take comfort in the hand which belongs to the Holy One. I take comfort in this hand that holds me, guides me and lifts me up. I take comfort, in the hand of God, that out of His great love, picked me.
Sometimes I take pride in myself for having the will to wait on God. I want to glorify God, I think to myself. Still, my heart began to nourish a secret - Waiting was a favor to God. Again, my "good works" syndrome got to me. Again, I was shrouded by the thought of what I can do for God rather than what He is doing for me.
God is a waiting God. All my life I have made God wait for me. It shames me to know that I have done this to such a holy and majestic God. Yet, it also flatters me to have an awesome God wait for me. I feel even more beautiful and loved in knowing that a God as awesome as He sees me as worth waiting for - as a woman worth pursuing.
If there is even a feeling greater than joy, that is how I get as God romances me.As I long to seek His heart,I find that it is He who has a heart that yearns for me. (Jer 31:20)
I will wait because He waited. I will be faithful because He has always been faithful.
"BE STILL, AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD." (Psalms 46:10)
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